You’ve no idea how lovely it is to feel well again; to wake up in the morning full of ideas; relishing each day and going out on our walks once more; a bit further each time. I still don’t know with any certainty what was wrong with me but in the end – and by default because they’d looked at every other possibility – I think it all boiled down to iron deficiency anaemia caused by polyps in my colon which were removed by a lovely team at the RUH and then, after a troubled start on iron tablets which initially made me sicker than ever, they were changed for another type and apart from the bother of waking myself up to take them at 5.00am, I feel better than I’ve felt for around 18 months. Hooray for the NHS and the Royal United Hospital ….. and for our GP who started the ball rolling on what must have been a hunch.
So last year didn’t go too well on the travel front – rescued twice by the AA and ignominiously towed home on a trailer; the engine blew up once, cambelt, water pump, clutch and alternator needed replacing and two trips were cancelled before they even began. But that was then and this is now and the van, Madame and me are ready for (amost) anything but especially for a trip to the Lizard which was just ravaged by storm Goretti and lost both water, electricity and internet for a couple of days. We’re staying in a rented clifftop cottage and the photos at the top were all taken through the half-door; the one on the bottom left taken early on the morning of our last departure. Every time we leave it feels like a small bereavement – there’s a bit of my soul living there permanently.
Having spent several years on the neighbourhood plants – Lizard is a botanical hotspot – I’ve just finished fixing up a moth trap. It’s very early in the year and we don’t expect more than a handful of visitors, but in many ways a slow start is the best way for beginners like us. The more projects we embark on, the more the planning resembles a military campaign – laptops, mobile wiFi router and aerial, books, maps, food; cameras, lenses, tripods, kitchen sink. You get the picture. I’ve even bought a new, clonking great monograph on hedgerows to keep me happy if it rains non-stop, and that’s happened on several previous trips.
Eskdale 2019
Taking photographs is only a fraction of the battle, though. Identifying the plant in question is three quarters of the fun. For instance the little darling below was – so far as I was concerned – a white form of death cap that we found on the edge of a wood in Cumbria a few years ago. It’s been labelled and sitting in the photos folder for years until yesterday when I was reading a brilliant monograph on fungi in the New Naturalist series – when I discovered that it also looked very like another fungus known as Destroying Angel which really is white. In the intervening years I’ve learned how to access the massive power of databases and so I checked on the largest I could find and discovered that neither of the fungi is even recorded close to the place we found it, but that even so my initial identification was more likely to be correct. There is a test to distinguish them but of course the subject of the photo is long gone and so it will always remain an unanswerable question.
That’s the thing about nature, it seems far more malleable than we would wish. It would be fairer to say that short of a full DNA profile almost all our identifications are provisional. Like weather forecasts ID’s are correct on the basis of percentages. 100% certainty is rarer than we’d like. Of course that merely means that we should be more modest about our certainties. A couple of days ago we were on a plant hunt and I overheard someone airily identifying a Feverfew with a lot more conviction than I would dare to offer. In fact, the more I learn about fungi the less likely I am ever to forage for them. Both the Death Cap and the Destroying Angel are regularly and fatally confused with edible fungi. No thanks, then, I’ll have the fish fingers!
So, the packing lists are all made and the kit is all checked over, charged up and wrapped. You would think we were off up the Amazon but you need to remember that as a list addict, planning is almost as much fun as getting there. It doesn’t always work of course, we once drove up to Pembrokeshire for a camping holiday only to discover I’d left all the tent poles behind. On another occasion I forgot the air mattresses, and after a trip to the local supermarket we bought a couple of air beds that were so thick and luxurious our noses were almost touching the flysheet.
But at this moment I can hardly contain my excitement at the prospect of waking up to the sound of the sea and walking between fields and hedgerows which – being much further south – are just beginning to wake up. Bring it on! – we say.
For the most part, over the years, I’ve seen New Year more as a celebration that the old year is over and done with and that January 1st is no more than a blank canvas. But this time it was different because 2025 was pretty rubbish, what with innumerable health problems and having to spend a fortune getting the campervan fixed. By the end of the year the health problems along with the van repairs were largely sorted and we were free to resume our itinerant lives; gardening, exploring and recording wildlife and camping unencumbered by worries. It was an exhilarating feeling to be set free to imagine once again. The three resolutions of last year were largely fulfilled and I lay awake making excited plans for 2026.
So after the most optimistic start to 2026, I had a sudden attack of dust and ashes, partially caused by this plant. It’s called Greater Dodder and it was growing so inconspicuously down by the river I would probably never have noticed it. Fortunately the leader of the BSBI New Year plant hunt that we were on, clocked it and we all gathered around to see a very unusual (RR in the books) plant. We’ve seen its much more common relative in Pembrokeshire and North Wales but it was a lovely surprise to see it growing on our local patch. It’s a parasitic plant, related to bindweed (gardeners feel free to hiss) and this one grows especially on nettles.
However the excitement was followed almost straight away by the sense of disappointment that I hadn’t found it for myself. Anyway I photographed it and when we got home looked it up in the books and discovered that it’s been here near the river in Bath for a few years at least and that it prefers growing near water. In fact – to borrow a term from the police procedurals on the telly – it’s got form – a great reminder that the more you know about wildlife preferences the more likely you are to find what you’re looking for.
And so the roller coaster in my brain continued for a while as I pondered how to record it – and as spring follows winter the idea dropped into my mind that it would be a good idea to extend my database to include all the other things we find on our walks; birds, fungi, insects, ferns, slime moulds ( a recent obsession) and lepidoptera because we’ve now got a portable moth trap that won’t take up too much space in the campervan.
It sounds so easy doesn’t it? extend the database which lives in a spreadsheet file so that instead of having to open separate files for each interest, it all sits on one very large spreadsheet so I could, for example, look at everything we found on a certain day, or everything we’ve ever found in a certain place; I could assemble lists for every purpose and even draw pie charts. I was (temporarily) on fire at the possibility of using AI to do all the heavy lifting and slept very badly, basking in the excitement and imagining fine days in Cornwall walking down to Percuil, looking for orchids and listening to the Curlews calling on the mud flats; or in the Bannau Brycheiniog watching the mist below in the valleys or in North Wales feasting on wild mushrooms and watching gannets dive bombing the sea.
That lasted as long as it took to sit in front of the computer and figure out how to do it. My grasp of spreadsheets and how to manipulate them is minimal to non-existent. I am at the sub-beginner level – I just make lists – so I started slowly by finding out that a tab on a spreadsheet is not the same as a tab on a beer can or the one on an ancient typewriter and I set up a new tab (page) marked fungi and tried to copy and paste my list of fungi into the newly named “Biological Records” spreadsheet – oooh posh! – where it promptly fragmented and after a bit of blokey random key pressing disappeared altogether. A frantic reverse ferret move revived the patient but everything was in the wrong columns. It dawned on me that I was in for an agonising long haul – studying things that I really don’t like in order to study better the things that interest me most. No pixie dust, just slog and brain fog like learning to solve differential equations in school.
Dodder – Cousin Bronwyn from West Wales beasting the Gorse.
Self doubt closely resembles Dodder and its cousin in the photo at the top, Lesser Dodder. It coils around your brain and sucks it dry; replacing the creative juices with dust. Like Restharrow – a different tangle of a plant that does what it says on the tin and stops a horse-drawn harrow in its tracks. It’s the curse of all self-taught people to defer instinctively to the careless wisdom of those who had an academic career in gnats’ navels and who believe their qualifications trump the more common muddy boots kind of knowledge gained by the hoi polloi. [That should properly read ….. ‘gained by hoi polloi’ because hoi is the definite article in Greek, but if I wrote it that way I’d be denounced as a pedant]. And so we, the great unwashed, struggle with the pronunciation of long binomial names like Pseudoperonospora humuli and remain silent rather than have a go at it. The trick is to put the stress on the third syllable before the last and say it with conviction. The political theorist and philosopher Gramsci called people like us “organic intellectuals”. It’s a term I’m proud to embrace because it puts me in the company of the miners and railway workers, the millers and machinists and labourers who taught themselves to the highest levels and founded institutes and even invented the health services, ambulance clubs, cooperatives and friendly societies that protected their communities from hardship and exploitation by hard-nosed industrialists, the parasitic human subspecies of Dodder.
After a couple of hours trying to get my head around the entirely unfamiliar vocabulary of computer spreadsheets I didn’t just feel depressed, I felt stupid. I’d still got a mountain of identifications to do with no prospect of getting everything done before the new season kicks off in earnest. But then Madame suggested a walk and that lifted the mood. It’s been very cold with icy winds for days, but there’s been abundant sunshine and we’ve had some lovely walks along the river. Slowly the precious feeling of optimism and hope warmed our fingers and toes and we began to talk about journeys waiting to be made. I will get the spreadsheet working, write my million words and we will make our planned travels around the galleries and churches of Wales to see the cruelly unacknowledged glories of Welsh art. We will hunt for birds and plants, moths and butterflies as if we were in the Amazon jungle, and we’ll dip our feet in the sea again like we did when we were teenagers in awe of the turquoise sea and dracaenas of Falmouth.
Too old for that sort of malarkey? My dears, you have no idea!
Warning. This post includes a discussion of grooming and abuse
We binge-watched a whole four part thriller last night on TV. It was my fault. I fancied something like an Agatha Christie without the drawing room scene and just for fun I used Google Gemini to search for something suitable. There followed a typical AI dialogue where I refined my choice on the basis of a few questions and finally I settled on “near the sea” “cosy whodunnit” “wet weather allowed” and one series dropped into the the slot. It was “The Long Call”, based on an Ann Cleeves novel, set in Devon near the sea (I suspected Braunton Burrows but I couldn’t be sure), complete with rain – oh and one last detail that grabbed my attention – set around a religious community.
And off it went with some great actors and even accurate Devon accents. There was a body on the beach and it all looked very promising until we were introduced to the religious community which was very strict, inward looking and eerily familiar to me. It quickly became clear that everyone was lying and that there was enough passive aggression going on to freeze a small lake. My position as a viewer was so completely compromised that I even imagined myself sitting in one of the chairs in the midst of a Brethren style prayer meeting, listening to the endlessly repetitive petitions of a charismatic leader. I’d been there, worn the T shirt and carried the same alienated feelings as the investigating detective who’d been shunned (that’s a technical term with huge menace) by that same community after he came out as gay when a teenager. It was tremendously well researched in the way that vulnerable people were love bombed and befriended, groomed; then became the victims of passive aggression until they were demoralised, subdued and controlled. The next step, because this pattern isn’t confined to religious groups, is violence, abuse and in the worst case murder.
I was pre-teen, pre-puberty, but nonetheless awash with guilt at sins I didn’t think I’d ever committed – and didn’t have the vaguest idea how to commit – and that I could be certain that I was destined, or predestined for hell. Unconditional love, forgiveness and diversity were as underused in the congregation as a Bishop’s bible, although we all knew that bishops were a bad thing and the torments of hell were always good for a spittle infused, red-lipped sermon. Years later I found an antique copy of the hymn book they used which was so full of sado masochistic imagery it would probably be banned today. If I learned anything at Sunday School it was that I was a wrong un and no-one would answer the question “why?” because that was the sin of disobedience.
I left Sunday School as soon as I was able to defy my parents and took nothing away with me except that diffuse sense of guilt into the future. I caught a glimpse of a better looking god in the local anglican church, but that was more to do with fancying a girl in the choir. I got confirmed, took communion once and never went back. Around that time I was groomed by a much older teenager and introduced to a number of dodgy men but fortunately he was arrested before anything too terrible happened. After that I joined a Wesleyan methodist youth club whose saintly leaders kept me safe. We had a fancy dress party once and Mrs Round said “I suppose you’ll be coming as the devil, Dave” . Finally I discovered the meaning of fornication (Oh happy day!/ what happened there?) and after getting chucked out of school over a provocative samizdat magazine which I wrote, published and distributed I met Madame at a CND meeting and we fell unfashionably but hopelessly in love. I was 18 and she was 15. On reflection I was unbelievably lucky to get off the escalator when I did although that didn’t stop the police, and much later the church authorities from treating me as a risk, mainly to their reputation as worthy chaplains to the status quo.
I was about 12 years old when they interviewed me with the utmost hostility at the police station. My Dad was there, but sat silently throughout and when they let me go he never subsequently mentioned the way they had shamed me. Much later on I was a member of a support group for clergy which was supposed to be completely confidential; a safe space led by two skilled therapists. I finally managed to describe what had happened to me then, and also the occasion when I’d unexpectedly encountered one of the paedophiles I had been introduced to during a visit to his mother. This was very upsetting. Even decades later I recognised him instantly. One of the members of the group took it upon themselves to report what I’d said to the church authorities without even warning me. As a result I was telephoned by a church appointed social worker who quizzed me on what seemed to be the prior assumption that the abused were likely to become abusers themselves. In reality both the police and the church authorities became the abusers, forcing me to recall the events without offering a shred of support afterwards. Any trust in the group disappeared and I was on my own again. Completely innocent and yet groomed to blame myself.
As a consequence of all this inside experience of religious communities and controlling behaviour, a large part of my time has been devoted to patching people up; many of them had been horribly abused and robbed of all self-respect. Many of them drifted right back into abusive relationships, but I think I may have made a difference to a few. After the film last night I went to bed feeling thoroughly churned up.
What is it about religion that makes it so dangerous? so corrosive to young minds? I suspect that living without certainties is hard going so shortcutting from judgements of virtue to the ‘either/or’ rules of us and them is an easy way out of difficult thoughts. Madame and I were down in Southern Ireland once, during the Troubles, and we were in a remote bar way south when a group of IRA supporters came in. It was a terrifying hour whilst we sat and they sang anti British songs, us not daring to speak or get another drink for fear of being recognised by our accents. The next day I went back to apologise to the owner for causing a lot of stress and she said it was no problem. I replied “well, we are English” and she said “No but you’re tourists“. I’m still working that one out.
But there is the real reason for the danger of religion. It’s not theology, it’s the binary culture it generates – with its inside/outside, lost/saved, stranger/friend, infidel and faithful. In a world full of anger and hatred it’s all too easy to fall into camps which become gangs – each with its own flags and banners and then guns and bombs.
This morning we were having a cup of tea with our friend Charlie who managed to combine both creativity and science into his life. We were having a conversation about slime moulds – yes you read that right – and we agreed that the earth is so prodigiously beautiful whether you’re looking at an ocean, a mountain or a microscopic cell; and when we consider the almost infinite adaptations and evolutionary steps involved in getting to where we are – then there really is no need to suppose that some kind of kindly, interfering or even malevolent being, could add anything to the picture. By all means use an obvious metaphor, like Mother Nature for instance but I remember saying to someone once about a girlfriend known by everyone as “Peach” – that her name didn’t imply that she lived in a fruit bowl. The sea of faith seemed to be retreating for me. Much later I discovered that the tide comes in twice a day.
The melancholy soft, withdrawing roar– not, in this instance on Dover beach.
Above is a photograph of a fungus known as Lawyer’s wig; Shaggy cap or – in the full cream version Coprinus comatus. I only mention this because we’ve been reading this week that the Home Secretary is considering abolishing jury trials for many crimes which would previously have been put before twelve randomly selected humans. A more suspicious and cynical person like me might wonder if the real motivation is that too many jury trials of pensioners concerned about the environment or about genocides abroad are being acquitted by juries who refuse to send such obvious terrorists to prison, thereby annoying the Home Secretary greatly. Not just lawyers but many perfectly sane people would argue that it blows a hole below the waterline in the justice system if the determination of guilt and innocence is not assisted by ordinary people using their common sense experience of life and evidence.
I will call in evidence for my point of view, a 10.00 am Wednesday prayer book communion at St Mary Redcliffe church in Bristol where I was a curate many years ago. A Wednesday prayer book communion is not a service which normally draws a crowd. A scattering of enthusiasts maybe, a couple of tourists too embarrassed to get up and leave; leaving a total of eight at the most. It always took place in the small Lady Chapel which saved me from bellowing the obscure 17th century text down the nave like the skipper of a sailing boat in a storm. The other reason for corralling the congregation in a small space is that some communicants like to sit at the back. They come early to sit at the back, and so the distribution of communion can take an eternity as they shuffle achingly slowly towards the altar.
Except on this particular day I arrived from the vestry to find the Lady Chapel bursting with eager but silent communicants. That was the first surprise. The second surprise was that they were all almost identically dressed. They looked as if they’d come off a production line. So I took the service, preached an ad hoc homily with no idea how to pitch it and went to the back of the chapel at the end of the service. I thanked them individually for coming and they were polite and thanked me for my time in voices that seemed as identical as their tweed jackets, polished shoes and pressed trousers. After the tenth or eleventh handshake I plucked up my courage and asked one of them – “Where have you all come from?” – “Oh we’re all high court judges and we’re at the hotel next door on a course.” I said a brief silent prayer that they might be studying diversity.
This photo above is of some clumping fungi which I didn’t identify on the day but which describe the cultural and social uniformity of those judges rather better than I could do in words, and in any case could represent the rear view of my congregation as I walked into the chapel. I was amused when I saw today that I took the picture at Browne’s Folly south of Bath.
So to draw the threads together in case you’re wondering what two sorts of fungi, a congregation of High Court judges and the removal of Jury trials have, it’s the word lawyer. I could add a side dish of folly too. What shocked me that day in Redcliffe was that our senior judiciary could be drawn from such a limited social, cultural and let’s be honest – class – group. That’s without mentioning women or people of colour. In a perfect world we could expect our lawyers, politicians and clergy to understand something of the world of a teenage shoplifter, a single mum who can’t afford a TV license or a rough sleeper who consoles themselves with cheap alcohol or drugs – but we know that’s not the case. Our underfunded judicial system and the prison service which oversees its sanctions are not fit for purpose. The answer is investment, long term planning and far greater diversity; not foolish cuts in an already unjust system that describes peaceful and legal protest as terrorism.
So there’s my yoking together without violence several seemingly unconnected ideas – courtesy of Samuel Johnson’s stupid comment on the metaphysical poets. All because we’re off to the Bannau Brycheiniog and tomorrow night we’ll be looking down the valley towards Tretower Court which has strong familial connections with George Herbert. I love the Metaphysicals!
This photograph is not of a twig but a moth; the Buff-tip moth, Phalera bucephala. I’m not showing it because I’d want anyone to think me an expert of any kind, but because its camouflage is so perfect at the same time as being very lovely. It’s eye-watering to think how many evolutionary twists and turns it’s gone through to arrive at this perfect twigness in order that it can rest up safely during the day. Our friend Kate uses a moth trap to identify record and release any number of moth species high up in the Bannau Brycheiniog; the Brecon Beacons in old money, and we took this photo, along with many others, early one morning when we were staying up there.
I’m often struck by the lack of attention we pay to the very small when we talk about the beauty of nature. We tend to look for swathes of flowers; forests; endless mountains and the most grandiose hills when we speak of beauty, but if we take a magnifying glass to, let’s say a weed like a dandelion, it’s like crossing a boundary into another world. A single seed under a low powered microscope can reveal such a complexity of pattern and structure that we’d be hard pressed to capture it in a drawing. Nature presents herself as an artist and many artists would admit to gaining inspiration from the almost reckless generosity of living forms. Moths are just one example. From the aerial view of a river basin or wetland marsh down to the double helix of DNA and the complex fibonacci sequence of seeds on a sunflower head or the seed flask of a poppy, there’s inspiration to be found. Speaking through my artist’s hat, as you might say, I’ve shared a lifetime exploring the colours and forms of living things through the medium of drawing, botanical illustration and ceramics. I’ve needed to embrace some of the science as well, but the wellspring of my explorations has been aesthetic rather than scientific. I’m far more excited by the earthy colours of rust and ochre than by shouty primaries, and a multitude of green hues relieved by occasional touches of scarlet can turn a humble lichen into an aesthetic feast.
Nature is beautiful, but not in the guide book sense. You can’t measure beauty by counting oohs and aaahs and you couldn’t propose a unit like the Milli-Helen which would be the amount of beauty required to launch one ship. It’s expressed perfectly in my mother’s distinction between perfume and scent. I should mention here that I’ve been trying out a new phone app to help identify moths – in anticipation of a Christmas present from our son. In fact it’s good with all kinds of UK insects and designed and promoted by the UK Wildlife Trusts. The app is called ID UK Insects and it’s good for bees, hoverflies, spiders, wasps – in fact for pretty well any insect you might encounter on a slow walk and is free for a basic 500 species or £18 a year for the full version. Well worth a free go! It won’t excuse you from any of the hard book work when you get home to identify your find, but like all the best AI it will save the horror of flicking through hundreds of pages in the vain hope you might run across it! For those old hands who would assert that it’s cheating I’d say – “so’s a cake mixer!”
It would be wrong to settle on the moth as a sole exemplar. As I suggested at the beginning of this post, nature should be regarded as everything on earth including us, and my friend Chris would make a strong claim for the whole universe to be included as well. In fact – and this would be a bold and almost spiritual claim – I’d argue that the default condition of a fully functioning human mind would be wonder.
I’ve never forgotten an exercise I did on a retreat years ago. We were a group of a dozen or so, all strangers to one another. We were divided into couples and asked to grasp both hands of our partners. Then we were invited not just to look at one another or chat about our journey there but silently to explore the possibilities of beholding. As you might expect, it was a deeply challenging thing to do but it was also very powerful; an intuitive exchange of our deep selves and a letting go of embarrassment and ego. I’d suggest that the default position of wonder at natural beauty is facilitated by its twin faculty, beholding.
With such a mindset even the destructive powers of nature which, for the most part are recycling the elements of existence, can lead to the sense of wonder. Nothing is ever wasted by the woodland rotters like the Sulphur-tuft fungus above. I can contemplate my own vulnerability and transience without being afraid.
Around 1970/71 I had a long period of what was diagnosed as phobic anxiety, and not being able to face going into art school, they put me on probation for a couple of terms. I took to visiting the valley behind our cottage through which By Brook flowed, and drawing there. My memory ever since is that I only made one drawing – very laborious and forensic pencil rendering of a twisted tree trunk growing at the edge of the river. The drawing went into a folder and it’s travelled around from house to house ever since. I’ve looked for it from time to time but never found it among the hoardings; until last night I dreamed that I was able to thank all the people who loved me over the years – beginning of course with Madame – even when I didn’t love myself at all. I was awake at 5.00am and got up after a couple of hours musing on what Robin, my one time psychoanalytic psychotherapist would have called a significantdream and went into my study and found the drawing almost immediately in a heap of unsorted papers.
But it wasn’t just the one drawing; I found four of them – and each of them would have taken several days. Here they are seeing the light of day for over five decades.
I’m not suggesting for a moment that these are great drawings, but rather that they articulate a theme that had been at the back of my mind for going on twenty years after I walked to primary school through a lane bordered on one side by a hawthorn hedge which, in hindsight must have been laid in previous years. I was enchanted, almost literally, by the twisted and intertwined branches and it became a treasured part of my walk to school, a memory which returns joyfully whenever I see a similar hedge today. After I’d photographed the drawings this morning I realised that there was another subconscious link in the twisting and curling water of the brook and which I’d tried unsuccessfully to capture in drawings of the sea when we lived in Cornwall. Drawing – to pack a huge proposition into a very short sentence – has been a way back into a transient moment. A mill-race; the Devonshire leat on Dartmoor; any kind of fast flowing water especially if, like a canal, it was the outcome of human intervention. No surprise then, to recall that my favourite winter job as a groundsperson was hedge laying. The spot where I drew By Brook was downstream from a paper mill where the mill race joined the brook. The mill is now disused and abandoned, and the brook itself is milky and eutrophic; quite unsuitable for papermaking.
If there is any kind of takeaway from this biographical fragment it’s that I didn’t get this ecstatic, aesthetic response to nature from a guru or a book. It was always there and all I had to do was channel it into tangible form. So the next great adventure was in ceramics. I’ve already written about this and I won’t go over it again, except to say that the making of ceramics feels like participation in creation itself. All the essential elements; earth, air, fire and water are there. The transformation of clay into fired ware is a geological process, The colours are made with elemental minerals and ores – cobalt, iron, lead, melted and rendered transparent in the kiln and transformed by the control of the available oxygen. English iron-based slipware glazes, mixed with lead rich galena and fired in an abundance of oxygen emerged the colour of honey and in China, a similar iron based glazed fluxed with wood ash and and starved of oxygen in the final stage of firing emerged as celedon, a muted and lovely green the colour of lichen.. The making of ceramics is an exhausting creative process which is affected by so many variables that if the potter doesn’t learn both intense focus and how to survive failure they will soon give up.
Nowadays I use photography to try to capture nature. I don’t edit or enhance anything and if it doesn’t work I delete it and try again. I remember once having a battle with my art school Head of Department over the characteristic form of an apple tree. I contended that trees are hard to draw well because by forensically rendering their internal structure and the form of the whole tree, its colours and its leaves it would be easier to identify its species. To prove my point I’d knocked up a black and white sketch of an apple tree on a piece of cardboard with a wide brush and some house paint. He dismissed the drawing and the idea with a lofty wave of the hand. It was rubbish and all trees looked pretty much the same. This week I’ve mentioned an apple tree called Arkansas Black several times already and today I returned to that discussion by photographing the tree on the allotment. I hope I won’t offend anyone by saying that the form of the tree is completely distinctive. Pears plums and (at the time) English elms are incontestably different.
My old music teacher A F Woodman used to to shout at me if I was particularly inattentive and say “I know you can hear it Pole, but are you listening?”
Wonder; the capacity to behold and not just gawp; inexhaustible curiosity; focus; listening; some measure of humility; the capacity to fail, try again as Samuel Beckett said, and fail better – all these are the portals through which we must pass. To adopt a religious idea, we must approach nature as penitents – not least because we, collectively, have done so much damage. The technical understanding, the skills, the science need essentially to be led by the revelatory moment. Most truly great scientists and mathematicians would agree that the revelatory moment is the beginning of the process of understanding rather than the end.
Which brings me to a penultimate point. If there is ever to be a real green spirituality it will need to begin in the same place. I remember Ken Leach preaching that orthodoxy is closer to its Greek roots when translated as “right glory” and certainly not the slavish following of some ancient canonical text. I’m not sure what we could call theology without Theos, but I treasure Wittgenstein’s joke that “wherof we cannot speak thereof we must remain silent” except that it’s never yet stopped a daft or cruel idea from being broadcast.
So to conclude this rather long post, I have to write briefly about education because it seems that these core skills – “Wonder; the capacity to behold and not just gawp; inexhaustible curiosity; focus; listening; some measure of humility; the capacity to fail, try again as Samuel Beckett said, and fail better” all these are being expunged from the curriculum of both school and university. If we don’t bring our children up to allow wonder and curiosity into their lives they will be stunted like wind deformed trees .
Herbie was a drystone waller and he mainly built the regional styles from Gloucestershire – the ones in the photos above go from Cornwall to Cumbria and they’re often dependent on whatever local stone lay at the waller’s feet. The southern part of Gloucestershire provides several different kinds of stone; Brandon Hill Stone; Oolitic Limestone (a Bath and Cotswold speciality); Cornbrash, even some sandstone. The geology of the districts is written in drystone walls. I’d often see Herbie at work around the area, occasionally on churchyard walls – but for some reason he disliked going into churches and would never work inside them. As an amateur botanist I relish his work because drystone walls are a paradise for all manner of interesting plants, not to mention the invertebrates and vertebrates, the lichens the bacteria and fungi.
Someone told me a story about Herbie one day that not only made me laugh out loud, but also taught me an invaluable lesson. I’ll call it Herbie’s ratio and it applies in all manner of fields, not least hoping that a new, more expensive camera will always take better pictures. It seems that someone once pulled up in their expensive car and, after watching him work for a little while, asked how much he charged. “£100 a yard” he said. There was a pause and the man said “That’s a lot of money for a pile of stones”. Herbie also paused and then said – “well it’s £1 for the stone and £99 for knowing what to do with it”.
Single edged razor blade, steel ruler, ring flash adaptor, macro lens adaptor for phone, hand lens,TG-7 camera, Etrex GPX, Pixel 6a phone, waterproof notebook and space pen.
I use photographs – more than for any other purpose – for making notes. Mostly it’s my phone camera which is by no means state of the art because it’s a Google Pixel 6A which is rapidly approaching retirement (or obsolescence). But whenever we go for a walk I’ll take dozens of plant photos as a reminder of what we’ve seen. I recently found out I’d taken 22,000 photos over the past 10 years. For plants I know well, there’s no problem. But I’ve learned over that time that if you don’t identify, label them and get them on to a spreadsheet straight away, in a month you’ll have the photo of a plant that you can’t use to make an identification because it doesn’t have some key feature in focus or even visible at all.
The upside of phone pics is that there are some very good apps around which will suggest an identification with a percentage of certainty; but they’re by no means always right (the software designers claim upwards of 90%) and they can exude a false sense of certainty. The old manual way to ID plants is to narrow down the possibilities one question at a time with a list called a key. The difficulty for a beginner is that keys often use off-putting technical language – they have to of course; so there’s a steep learning curve. The great advantage of keys is that you can retrace your steps one at a time until you get back on to the right track. The great disadvantage of the AI apps is that you have no idea what steps they took to reach their conclusion; no idea which features of your photo were decisive and so you don’t accumulate the knowledge of what’s essential and what’s not. I should also mention that the more sophisticated phone cameras get, the more jiggery pokery goes on behind the scenes and I often land up fighting the phone over what it’s important to focus on or lamenting the brightening or colouration changes that it imposes.
The ideal compromise,then, is to use both apps and keys to hunt your plant down. I’d add one additional step which I find invaluable. The Botanical Society of Britain and Ireland (BSBI finds it on Google) have a public access database called the Plant Atlas 2020 which gives a huge amount of information including photos, flowering times and distribution (ie where they grow). So phone camera + app (Flora Incognita is one of the best, and free) + field guide ( Collins Wildflower Guide; Francis Rose’ Wildflower Key are both reliable illustrated guides but there are many others) + Atlas 2020 on the internet will get you closer and faster than flicking through 10,000 illustrations.
Monarch’s Way trail, Stockhill woods
There’s another advantage of the phone, and that’s the fact that you can look alongside the image and find the EXIF data which records where and when the photo was taken. However the “where” bit – usually a latitude and longitude reference – needs to be treated with caution because it can be wildly out so I always make a note on the photos app of where it was taken in real life – “Stockhill Plantation Priddy, on Monarch’s way” – so a whole heap of contributory local information is immediately available.
You’ll have noticed, of course, that I’ve barely mentioned cameras so far. That’s because of Herbie’s Ratio. As I look around my study I can see four or five cameras and half a dozen lenses in their cases. The most expensive lens cost £1000 in New York (thank goodness I’m not a birder!) and it’s a Leica macro lens that fits my Panasonic Lumix camera. However, the closer you get to the subject the longer the exposure gets and in many cases the plant or my hands are waving around a bit so blurred photos are a regular curse. Carting all that equipment – including a hideously expensive carbon fibre tripod and lightweight magnesium ball head + flash gun etc – slows things down to divorce point since Madame is always with me. Of course you can uproot the plant and take it home to photograph in the warm, but in many cases that would be illegal and in my view it’s almost always unethical. So how often do I take the full big camera kit out on a plant hunt? – almost never, because the phone is light, always in my pocket, and is a perfect notebook, although there’s the question of locations in the EXIF data and I carry the cheapest ETREX GPS in my pocket in case something exceptionally rare turns up. It’s one of my least used bits of kit.
But, as always, there’s an alternative. I’ve also got a little Olympus TG-7 that totally fits the bill as lightweight, portable, waterproof and shockproof and with some eye watering capabilities such as built in focus stacking, macro settings and decent zoom. There are ring flash accessories and blah blah extras including wireless connection to my phone so I can mount the camera on a small tripod and control it using my phone as a remote viewer and trigger. It even downloads pictures to my phone so I can wander off into the AI apps wherever I am as long as there’s some kind of phone signal.
So marvellous! but does it help to identify plants? No it doesn’t; because as Herbie the stone-waller knew perfectly well, however expensive the camera, it’s knowing what to do with it that really counts. One important fact to bear in mind is that plants display considerable plasticity of shape and colour, depending on where and how they came to be where we find them. They change as they grow, flower and die back so the best photographs, illustrations and keys will always accept that there’s limit to what any description can achieve and sometimes that mysterious intangible quality called jizz will be the only show in town. We take the photographs and then we have to prove that what we say it is, is what it really is and the devil – as always – is in the detail.
So when I’m photographing an unknown plant I have to try to imagine what the questions in a key might be asking. because even if the AI app is 100% certain I still need to stand it up, as it were, in court. And so leaf shape, veins absent or present, if hairy is it hairy on one side or both? are the leaves opposite or arranged up the stem singly? What shape is the stem? how tall is the plant? if there are flowers can you see how many petals there are? what colour are they and are there lines and patterns? Are they daisy like or hooded like a foxglove?Are they all along one side of the stalk? What shape and colour are the anthers (the pollen parts)? What’s the overall shape of the plant – is it scrambling along the ground or climbing up another plant? Is it growing in deep, fertile loam or in a crack in a wall? There are more questions but I’ll stop there because I don’t want to put anyone off.
The thing is, a thoughtful photo taking these questions into account is going to be a lot more useful next week than a hasty out of focus snapshot, whatever camera it’s taken on. More often than not the phone camera is fine, but sometimes the features you need to look at are tiny – these flowerheads from a Fleabane are only 3mm wide, but the anthers and the hairs are diagnostic. This photo was taken at home (there were thousands of them so taking one of them was not going to make them extinct). This photo has to be considered with several others taken on the river near where we live.
Taken on my Olympus TG-7 using a damped down flash ring and processed by focus stacking.
Some time ago I joined a botanical illustration class for a couple of years and apart from learning a great deal about watercolour painting I learned to look intensely at my subjects. That has been the most tremendous help as I struggled to understand plants. The practice of painting the same thing over and over gives insight into colour, texture and form, and rendering that into a different medium is invaluable for taking photographs.
Technique v creativity – a phony war?
At art school in the 1970’s there was a rather stupid fashion for fostering what was called creativity as opposed to technique, and I ran into trouble for insisting that creativity was strangled at birth without it. My obsessive experiments with glazes, firing technique and chemistry got me marked down when it came to the crunch, but as far as I was concerned, technique in any discipline, sets you creatively free. There is no battle between the two, not in ceramics or botanical illustration nor in photography. The more technique you’ve got, the more freedom you’ve got, regardless of how much your kit costs. Herbie was right all along. A trowel is a trowel and a stone is a stone but the bringing of the two together in a wall is a work of art rooted in technique.
An example of a photographic set with notes
Green Bristle Grass, Setaria Viridis, Found on pavement in New King Street Bath. Occasional, prob birdseed. Height 37 cm, panicle 5cm. Very loosely rooted in crack – came out entire when I tried to break off a seed head. Checked in Stace, Cope & Gray, Sell & Murrell + Ddb. Around in UK since mid 1666. It’s a theraphyte – completes its entire lifecycle in one season and survives through seeds. Perfect desert/pavement dweller. Listed p 579 in Stace & Crawley “Alien Plants”. Olympus TG-7
and an early attempt at rendering a grass in watercolour:
A visit to Dyrham Park in Gloucestershire shows the National Trust deeply involved in conservation and wildlife – but with a sense of humour!
Black Nightshade in Dyrham Park formal garden – my 1000th record, cue shark approaching music
Have I been droning on about targets recently? Well tough, because I’ve just met two of my three targets/resolutions by using storm Claudine as cover for a day at the computer – catching up with some plant data entry. And five minutes ago I got over the line and logged 500 species across 1000 records. It’s nothing much to brag about because not long ago I was chatting to the retired recorders for West Gloucestershire and this year they expect to submit their millionth record; but then I console myself with the knowledge that they started long before me – competitive – me??
So Madame and I took advantage of the nice weather yesterday and drove over to Dyrham Park for a walk in the fresh air, having been kept indoors for days with the terrible weather. I knew I needed nine new records and got my first one as we left the car park and I realised that I’d never recorded the lovely avenue of trees that I’ve used as a banner for the last ten years. Of course I knew they were Limes but when I photographed them and turned to the books I discovered that they weren’t going to give up their precise identity without a struggle. Yes, they are Limes but no they’re not what I thought at all and turned out with a bit of forensics to be hybrid Limes, confusingly called “Common Lime” because they are – well – common. If you look again at the banner at the top of all these posts you’ll see our youngest son and our oldest grandson walking down the avenue together hand in hand. You’ll also see that the trees have all been given flat bottoms by the herd of grazing deer which were culled when they contracted TB a few years ago and have now returned with the perimeter of the park fortified with enormous fences to keep out any infected cousins. So that was good news and we await the restoration of the unnatural fringes by the deer when the leaves grow again next spring.
So that was one for the record and we wandered on down through the terraces where the National Trust team have done a great deal of forestry work, thinning and planting Yew, Bird Cherry and numerous other plants. The Rhododendrons, I imagine, are for the chop later when the newcomers have established. Most of the affected Ash trees have now been taken out so the park is going to look very different in a few years time. But everywhere we went, we could feel a real sense of direction and purpose in the plantings, it was very pleasing to see, and well done to all the volunteers who do most of the donkey work.
I guess it’s the time of year but of course the evergreens have the stage at the moment, and I always feel they’re a bit funereal. Yews and Laurels; well that’s churchyards and wreaths as far as I’m concerned! Down in the formal gardens you can see how the vision is working out. To be honest I’m not keen on straight rows and tulips but the head gardener has introduced a very subtle subversive note into the plantings and so we relished the long borders of espalier cider apples with all their local names, although we looked in vain for “slack ma girdle” which was the name we gave our quiz team when Madame worked on apple trees at the research station. Better still we found Soft Shield ferns and Black Nightshade growing on the banks and some of the healthiest looking Harts’ -tongue ferns we’d ever seen. A deft hand with the planting scheme has completely swerved any feeling of the Parks Department and created a garden that we’ll return to many times. The pruning of the apples and pears – under the guidance of the Head Gardener – who did some training at Versaille, (he told us), is unusually tight and looks almost daringly tight to the branches.
Then, for the first time ever, we ventured into the house itself – well, actually the servants’ area – because I’d spotted a very pretty Delftware tulip stand through the window in the old kitchen. It’s only the second one we’d ever seen and with the exception of two genuine antique earthenware pots, the kitchen and dairy have been equipped with some very nice freshly thrown scalding pans. There’s a photo below.
So it’s a red letter today. Two resolutions fulfilled and the third, of which this post is a part, is to complete a million words before New Year; just 34,000 to write which is going to be tough. Next year’s resolutions are going to be about boiling down the ten years of the blog to its essentials, and next week I’ll make a start on logging the fungi. Targets are good!
And notwithstanding appearances I’m not saying them here either. What I am doing is attempting to photograph a very small fungus while holding a six inch ruler behind it. In plants and fungus spotting size really does matter. Here’s what I was trying to get a picture of – it’s a tiny clump of candlesnuff fungus on some dead wood up on the Mendip hills.
Two things coincided which I wanted to write something about; the first was a random comment by a young man a couple of weeks ago which rang some serious warning bells in my mind. The second reason was our first fungus hunting visit to Priddy this late autumn. As to the first challenge I should say at the start that although I’ve never consumed any kind of hallucinogenic substance I am very interested in such properties and I’m filled with wonder at the way plants and fungi can synthesize unimaginably complex molecules which have the effect of reversibly changing our brains. Anyway I was having a conversation about Psilocybin with this young man and he mentioned that Velvet Bottom was a good place to gather them. Now I know Velvet Bottom well; it’s one of my favourite places on Mendip – however I wouldn’t eat anything foraged from there because the whole site is heavily polluted with lead, zinc and even cadmium to the extent that in some patches of ground nothing will grow except a few heavy metal tolerant plant specialists. Grazing by sheep is only allowed for very short periods to maintain the habitat, and downstream in Shipham gardening has, at times, become severely restricted due to fears of cadmium poisoning. I’m sure that readers of the Potwell Inn would never dream of boiling up magic mushrooms or, for that matter Fly agarics to make tea but just in case any readers were planning post retirement breakouts, I’d advise that there are safer places than Velvet Bottom to begin a life of crime.
But I also wanted to write about the metaphorically fatal attractions of fungi which can get very obsessive. I’m just grateful it’s a relatively short season. Fungi are beautiful, strange, mysterious and fleeting visitors which spend most of their time invisible and underground. What we see are the fruiting bodies; the spore carrying parts which can carry their offspring many miles. To be fair, fungi can be very hard to identify and although there are now one or two phone apps that will have a go, they’re still nowhere near safe enough to pronounce any fungus edible. I was testing one new app while we were out and although it easily managed some simple tasks, it failed completely on quite a number. I got many warnings that such-and-so was potentially dangerous. I don’t forage theses days in any case but I have poisoned our cat – which luckily recovered, and come within a whisker of poisoning Madame and me. Even easily recognised and safe fungi – St George’s mushroom for instance has built up intolerance over any years with some real experts, and suddenly made them ill.
But there’s more than enough aesthetic and scientific interest in fungi to compensate for leaving them in the ground. I’ll just put a few pictures up below to show the huge variety of form, texture and colour that they can display – not to mention odour which can range across the whole spectrum from apricot to dead sheep. I love them, and look forward to meeting them again every autumn and then there are always lichens, mosses and liverworts to fill the dark days of winter with fascination. My suggestion would be to photograph anything you encounter that interests you and make a note of the location – you can usually do this on your phone. Then perhaps one day you’ll feel inclined to identify and organise them in a spreadsheet and make a contribution to proper science in this time of global species extinction and climate change. All these below were photographed in a short walk last Thursday.
On Saturday I mended the allotment shed window which had been smashed months ago by vandals. I thing by comparison with the fungi my handiwork lacks a certain architectural je ne sais quois !
I wrote this post 13 months ago and then, for some reason, never published it and it’s been sitting in the drafts folder ever since. I used to have a producer on the radio who would say -“I know what you’re trying to say, and I know that you do too – but you haven’t actually said it!” – and re-reading it yesterday I think it fell into that category; so I’ve tweaked it a bit and added a couple of paragraphs to say what I was actually trying to say and I’ll leave it to you to decide whether it worked.
Rather an arresting sight on the pavement outside the flat today. I wondered for a moment whether caterpillars have hen parties but obviously this one wasn’t wearing a tiara so I didn’t bother to look and see if there were any tipsy bridesmaids about. I don’t think the Sycamore moth is particularly rare but I would have noticed had it crossed my path. Anyway, it must have fallen from the tree outside and was making its way across the road to the relative safety of the Green – relative safety because it would surely make a tasty snack for a gull – or a magpie, what with the ginger wig and all.
I frequently have trouble trying to figure out what my real vocation is; I’ve done so many things – but there’s always been writing somewhere in it. I fell in love with the natural world as a child and now I’m a passable amateur field botanist but when I sit down to think about it, what really gets my juices flowing is the beauty of plants; their histories, traditional names and uses for food and medicine and their journeys around the railway yards of Europe. DNA and microscopic identification skills are no more exciting to me than completing a hard crossword; fun but not significant. I get as much thrill from the Biting Stonecrop outside the door as I would from finding a ghost orchid (unless it was in the pavement outside!), and I don’t have a tidy mind so I like to root around on my hands and knees to find plants rather than see them displayed like zoo specimens in wire cages and bare earth. If it came to a choice between writer and botanist it would have to be a writer – a no brainer. Latin binomials have their uses of course, and when it comes to the correct naming of plants they’re essential, but where’s the romance in it?
The abundant Mexican Fleabane here could be and often is seen as a weed. I just don’t get it. Last week the official council weed scraper laboriously removed nearly all the plants along the bottom of our retaining wall but then stopped when he came to a glorious waterfall of the daisy lookalikes at the corner and put his scraper away. The bottom of the wall is now alive with the resurgent leaves of Nipplewort, Dandelions and Hemp agrimony which simply shrug off the insult. The whole object of a plant, I suppose, is to be visible and visited by pollinators. You’d think that for caterpillars the opposite would be the case; that they’d make themselves as invisible as possible until they’d pupated and emerged in their final forms. Not so, though. The ginger Sycamore Moth caterpillar, like so many of its cousins, doesn’t even try to be cryptic in its appearance. Does it actually taste filthy or does it just look as if it will. There’s an extravagance in nature which breaks all the bounds of decency and order – especially if you happened to be a Victorian philosopher like John Ruskin who once wrote of Selfheal:
It is not the normal characteristic of a flower petal to have a cluster of bristles growing out of the middle of it, or to be jagged at the edge into the likeness of a fanged fish’s jaw, nor to be swollen or pouted into into the likeness of a diseased gland in an animal’s throat.
John Ruskin, Proserpina – quoted by Richard Mabey in his book “Weeds”
Richard Mabey’s book, cited above, is an erudite source of wisdom about weeds that deserves a place on any bookshelf. In his description of Self Heal he mentions the visual effect of swathes of the plant as akin to “brazed copper”. Ruskin seems to have had a bit of a thing about the colour of copper. One account of the reason for his inability to consummate his marriage to the red headed Effie Gray was given by her years after their marriage was annulled – “the reason he did not make me his Wife is that he was disgusted with my person the first evening.”
I can only assume that Ruskin found much to disapprove of in the disorderly and occasionally ginger world of nature. Sometimes anarchy is just a way of describing something whose connectedness and complexity is utterly beyond us. Science is the scalpel to the butterfly net of the poet’s work. Reductive or expansive – that’s the challenge. Are the tools we use to engage with nature intuitive and imaginative, or laser focused, seeing nothing beyond the quarry?
Well, I’m for the butterfly net approach every time. Of course, in this critical age of triple breakdown; environmental, climate and economic, we need science as never before, but just as I’ve always taught, myths are the way we tell the truth about mysteries – and the intuitive, expansive and imaginative tools of the poet are every bit as important as the scanning electron microscope and the DNA printout. To choose just one approach to nature wilfully limits our understanding. Slippery and indefinable as it may be, to exclude beauty from our calculus is to take us into Gradgrind’s miserable world. Ruskin’s failure to appreciate Effie Gray’s sensuous beauty was a failure of his humanity. He pursued her, courted her and married her so he could push a pin through her heart as if she were a trophy butterfly.
But enough! I bet you didn’t know that John Masefield liked to keep a box of rotting apples under his desk to fire up his imagination. Stanley Spencer kept something entirely more unpleasant near him but you’ll have to google for that. We have a neighbour on the allotments who has a tree laden with quinces which have the most lovely perfume, enough to fill the whole flat, and every year we put a bowl of them on the table. I’ve made quince jelly in the past and believe me they’re as tough as old boots and need a lot of cooking. When you cut through the fruits the black pips have a positively satanic look and they also contain hydrocyanic acid.
Of all the virtues of nature we mustn’t ever forget its sensual pleasures. For us, it’s more than just the necessity of eating, or growing or intellectual understanding because every one of the senses is engaged in a merry dance. Autumn is not merely mists and mellow fruitfulness, it’s celebration, festival, recollection and thanksgiving, singing, dancing and feasting. Oh and it’s also available in copper coloured.
After all the drama of repeated heatwaves, the weather has finally returned to relative normality and we’ve been rejoicing in the rain. We’ve had a few big thunderstorms but surprisingly in spite of very heavy rain, only the top few inches of the allotment were wetted adequately. We’d prepared the ground by emptying the waterbutts at the end of the last hot spell, hoping they’d refill – but then, when it was too late, I discovered that the gutter on the shed had come adrift of its mountings, leaving the water to travel uphill. Looking more closely I could see that an inexpensive redesign would capture rain much more successfully. The two butts on the greenhouse were working better but again the gutters are pitifully small and don’t cope with precisely the kind of downpours we most need to store.
This summer we came very close to giving up the allotment together. The hard work is OK but this year with Madame’s knee replacement and me visiting just about every department in the local hospital we ran into a wall. Happily, with just a couple of minor procedures still to do, we’ll be back firing on all cylinders by next spring, which just leaves the results of several months of neglect to sort out. The battle is 90% mental but for the first time in months it feels like we’re winning. It hasn’t all been bad on the allotment. The soft fruit didn’t do well at all but the fruit trees – apples, pears, damsons and plums have all yielded record returns. Even the poor old potatoes managed to give us a half-decent crop after the dry conditions, and the newly planted raspberry canes are thriving. Last night we ate our own potatoes, runner (string) beans and chard with stewed plums for pudding. Allotments are very friendly places, and it’s rare not to exchange surpluses with our neighbours. It seems to me that the allotment looks after our bodily and spiritual needs while certainly my intellectual (mind) needs are well catered for by plant hunting and studying their habitats and habits.
Anyway we decided to give ourselves a day off on Monday and we took ourselves over to Dyrham Park which we haven’t visited over the summer because it gets so overcrowded. Actually that’s not quite true because we made a couple of early visits to White Field to search for the orchids. At this time of year the pasture is cut for hay and normally we’d turn our attention to fungi, but apart from one fairy ring (Marasmius oriades) there was nothing much to see.
Black Worcester pears on a southwest Facing Versailles espalier
Anyway we wandered down through the terraces and visited the formal gardens which (sorry no photo) have matured brilliantly. We were a bit dubious when they were first laid out but now they look lovely. On the outside wall of the big house there is a fabulous example of espalier pruning which we were lucky to have explained to us by the head gardener a couple of years ago. This Versaille method is based on very short fruiting spurs, but by doing this he explained that you could take the espalier to a larger number of tiers. He’d spent some time actually learning the method in Versailles.
Crataegus orientalis
Below the formal garden we walked around the large pond which was choked with blanket weed and then onwards to the small pond surrounded by mown grass with its own waterfall. It was crystal clear, and we bagged one of the seats and sat quietly watching the other visitors. Then, inexplicably, we both said exactly the same word – “Marienbad”. Couples standing still, casting shadows, nor speaking – a kind of freeze frame – and I thought how I’d first climbed over the wall to the park something like 65 years ago, long before it was turned over to the National Trust. We’ve ridden horses there in the 1970’s and spent many hours cycling back and forth between Bristol and Dyrham to visit friends.
There’s a question that often gets asked.“What would you say if you met yourself at the age of 14; what questions would you ask?, what advice could you give?” and sitting there in the warm sun, I felt that there was no need for any kind of meeting. We were, in the deepest possible sense both there! connected in an almost surreal sense every version of “me” over the years, sharing the same moment. It was very beautiful.
Later, after a glass of apple juice and a shared sandwich, we wandered up the quieter back route to the top alongside Sands Hill, passing at the very bottom a rotten tree trunk which had been left available to house and feed every kind of wood boring insect. The photo shows the human palace lurking behind the insect paradise.
I was going to shrink this one down, but changed my mind
As we climbed steeply upwards I stopped to record a couple of everyday trees and soak up the view of a small stand of very tall pines. Then. right at the top we met a couple of volunteers who said that there was a group of deer just beyond us. The whole herd had to be slaughtered due to TB three years ago, and although we knew they were being replaced we’d looked in vain for them in their paddock. Then suddenly there they were; four larger stags and a young one which we could hardly see. We looked at one another silently, deer and humans, without fear or hostility. I think two magic moments in one walk is more than any of us have the right to expect.
