How to survive a heatwave

Taken over Alveston, sitting in Helen and Alan’s garden in July 2020

I think this was one Filton pilot’s attempt to cheer us all up by making smoke trails of smileys and hearts in the sky during the post-apocalyptic gloom of Covid, and it worked. This year we’ve sweated and grumbled our way through three heatwaves and by now we’re used to coping by completely changing our daily timetable. No more lingering in bed until 10.00am – I seem to have changed my body clock so much I wonder if I’ll still be waking up at 5.00am in the winter. There’s really no alternative but to reserve the very earliest part of the day for whatever hard physical work on the allotment needs to be done. It’s not that bad – I don’t set any alarms I just wake up, make a cup of strong tea and eat my regulation five fruit shortcake biscuits – that’s breakfast (sorry Doc!) . Today we cleared the failed pea crop away and hoed the plants off at the roots to gift any remaining nitrogen nodules to the purple sprouting broccoli which follows it. Then I sharpened up the hoe – always carry a sharpener when using hoes, scythes and secateurs and learn how to use it. A sharp hoe razors off the weeds with minimum effort. Two passes of the hoe and the spring tine rake is enough to clean the bed and then I spread compost or whatever on the bed and work it in with a three tined cultivator with a long handle. These are all simple hand tools and they’re worth their weight in gold. I once attempted to rotavate the bindweed and couch grass out of a new garden and it was a complete disaster. They both regenerate and spread from the tiniest fragment of their underground roots – but I didn’t know that at the time. My friend and mentor Don Streatfield once put a piece of bindweed root into the freezer for weeks and planted it again in a pot. It grew again with undiminished enthusiasm.

So then I marked out the two beds using a line and a long builder’s tape. I know it’s a faff, and measuring the distance between plants might look over-generous today, but next winter you’ll see they needed every inch of legroom. Then we water the holes and drop the plants in, firming the soil around them and water them again, and then we net them to keep out the cabbage white butterflies whose caterpillars will strip the leaves down to the ribs if you let them.

The peas and the broad beans were a complete failure this year. The wet spring retarded their growth and then the succession of heatwaves pretty well finished them off. They’re typical temperate, cool loving plants and the failure isn’t just down to our poor gardening skills; farmers have lost millions of pounds worth of crops this year and I expect both will be hard even to find frozen in the supermarket. If you live in an air conditioned house and drive to an air conditioned workplace in an air conditioned car it would be hard to gain any understanding of environmental breakdown such as growers and gardeners have.

So we work until it’s too hot and then we come home. Sometimes we have a late breakfast, but our preferred timetable is to have a late lunch followed by a siesta and then just a sandwich in the evening. It’s a Spanish way of life that suits the weather perfectly and keeps the allotment going through the hard times. Today I cooked a sort of paella, flavoured with smoked paprika, chilli, garlic and tomatoes in a strong fish stock and topped with pieces of roasted pepper and monkfish fried in a hot pan. Tomorrow we’ll be making dill pickles with the miniature ridge cucumbers we gathered today. Before that I need to finish digging the bed where the broad beans came to nothing and removing the bindweed as early in the morning as possible. It’s hard work but bindweed just has to be dug out every few years. We’ve been powering through our seven water butts and the next bit of civil engineering will be to link four of them together and install much bigger guttering on the shed and the greenhouse so we don’t lose a single drop of rain.

Above is a view of Bath from the top of the hill at Sham Castle taken in July a few years ago during a very hot walk, and the balloon below has been a regular sight during fine weather spells in the past, although there are rather fewer this year , perhaps due to the cost of gas to power them. I once had a flight in a balloon that took off at exactly. the same place. There are houses all around and so we launched as fast as a high speed lift and then flew pretty well up-river for an hour or so enjoying long moments of uncanny silence punctuated by awesome roars from the burner. It was a day not unlike today and at one point we sailed above a fox crossing a field which clearly had no idea we were there. The landing was less eventful than I had been fearing the whole trip and I got home with no idea how to explain, let alone describe the experience I’d just had. Improbably, the company which owned the balloon ( I was a guest of the pilot) was based just fifty yards down the road from where we now live.

It’s an odd time we’re living through. We’re researching plants for the allotment to give ourselves the best chance of landing a decent crop, and it may turn out that broad (fava) beans and peas will have to come off the plan – something we’ll deeply regret because they’re so powerfully better than their frozen supermarket equivalents. The upside seems to be that the cucumbers, melons and squashes all love the heat and the sunshine.

Over the hill – I think this is where my Dad drank too much cider and fell off his motor bike!

I’ve never had the opportunity to take a photo of this view before, although we’ve driven along the route and caught buses many times. For reasons too dull to repeat, the nurse that used to keep my ears free of wax – moved from the end of the road where we live and went to Fairfield Park where I took the pictures today. Being a creature of habit I started going to her new clinic which is 250 feet higher up on the side of Lansdown and three miles up a steep hill.

I left an abundance of time to catch the bus this morning but the bus company must have seen it was a fine sunny day and so (without any warning) they cancelled two buses in succession and gave me the ‘opportunity’ to keep my appointment by walking there as fast as I could. At the top of Walcot street, before I’d begun to warm up I began to wonder. Imagine the humiliation of lying on the pavement waiting to be carted off in an ambulance. But as always, when in doubt, I slow down a bit and I can’t begin to say how pleased I was when I arrived with 1 minute to spare and without having to stop and clutch a handrail whilst turning blue. It was such an unexpected achievement I also walked home later and stopped off at the allotment to collect Madame who’d been pruning apple trees.

Anyway, enough of this misery lit stuff. I noticed the distant hill in the photo as I hurried along the road and I knew that Madame and I had explored the wildlife up there as well as the canal at its foot but aside from that, my geographical understanding of the countryside around Bath is still at the separate places stage. So back home after a cup of tea I put the OS map up on the screen to make sense of the wonderful view.

Jump back say 15 years and I’ve never forgotten a funeral visit I made to an elderly woman who unexpectedly told me she thought we were distantly related. I had no idea how that could be, but she mentioned the village of South Stoke and said there had been Poles (my surname) living there for many generations in the past. The village of South Stoke lies behind the hill in the photo and it is very beautiful. I was inspired to do a bit of research and I discovered that she had been quite right and that little story tied up in my mind with a fleeting conversation I’d had at the back of St Mary Redcliffe church where I was a curate, when a very tweedy lady demanded to know if I was one of the “Somerset Poles”

Meanwhile, and in a previous generation my Dad liked to tell a tale about visiting two old aunts as a young man on a motorcycle “down Cheddar way” who made – as he soon discovered – ferociously strong cider. As he drove home to Hotwells, he said that he lost all feeling in his legs and had to drive into a hedge and sleep until the alcohol (not hemlock in this case) wore off. Here were three very short fragments of an unknown family history. The one troubling detail is that my parishes were in prime cider-making territory, and I couldn’t think of any women who made it. There were such strong folktales about women and their effect on fermentation that even in the early 21st century one old boy I went to to buy cider from refused to let Madame anywhere near his shed. His cider was life threateningly bad anyway and so I never went back with or without Madame – who, by the way – worked for several years in cider research and grew many now rare varieties of tree; which is why she was pruning the apple trees this morning.

By complete coincidence, an apple tree we’ve spent years trying to identify on the allotment site has grown a tremendous crop of small, almost black apples. We picked a couple of fruits today to try to name them. We were told it was a French apple and its name was “l’abris” which could – apart from a whole cloud of further meanings, mean shelter or car-port. I’d never have thought of naming an apple after a car-port. However Madame got to work on the internet this afternoon and has come up with a more likely American candidate known as Arkansas Black. We tried one, and it is delicious and very unusual because for me, at least, it tasted like apples and custard growing on a tree!

So there you go. Apart from the earwax, the thread that may or may not hold this entire post together for you as a reader is trees; family trees, cider apple trees, rare apple trees and the fruits of all of them – cider – a glorious drink as long as you don’t overdo it.

But to return to the question as to whether I am a Somerset Pole, I’ve never experienced the smallest stirrings of nobility in my DNA and so in response to the tweedy lady’s question I answered that so far as I knew I was a Staple Hill Pole which, I accept, was a pretty testy reply. I assumed that she was referring to Lady Margaret Pole whose house, on the Close in Salisbury, we once visited. Her Son, Reginald was the last Catholic Archbishop and got himself into trouble for trying to reintroduce Catholic ritual against the Protestant tide, claiming – in the manner of the overpromoted everywhere – that the people would soon get used to it. They didn’t. Nothing would please me more than to inherit a windfall couple of manor houses from the estate of Lady Margaret, but I wonder whether the tweedy lady was more likely referring to the yeomanry of South Stoke where, for all I know, her deceased husband made a fortune from building motorcycles of the very kind that my Dad fell off. False hopes, I fear, but I love a yarn that begins and ends in the same place. And I’d love to move up a notch from peasant to yeoman.