My kind of mechanism

A paddle windlass on the final pound of the Kennet and Avon canal near Bath

Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
We had daily cleaning. And tomorrow morning,
We shall have what to do after firing. But to-day,
Today we have naming of parts. Japonica
Glistens like coral in all of the neighbouring gardens,
And today we have naming of parts.

Henry Reed, from “Naming of Parts, 1942

Here’s the inner mindscape of a Second World War soldier sitting in a stuffy room in early summer learning how to fire a rifle, but completely absorbed in what’s going on through the window. It’s a poem that – to my schoolboy mind – completely justified my inattentiveness when it came to applied maths, and also calls to mind Hannah Arendt’s description of Adolph Eichmann’s trial as “The banality of evil.” Nowadays the slaughter is often conducted by drones, controlled from industrial units a thousand miles from their targets. But putting that baleful thought behind me for a moment – although it’s never far from my mind – today has been a rather extraordinary one.

In the real world of apple blossom and orchards and spring I’ve been asked again to bless the cider orchard in Littleton on Severn. If you read this blog regularly you’ll see how much I enjoy this annual get together of the village and the Cider Club, but attached to the invite was a flattering remark about the way I always go about it. Presumably that means using the 150 word script that I wrote years ago, in as non sectarian, non denominational; oh alright as non religious a way as I could.

The trouble is, Madame shredded the script a few weeks ago before the invite arrived, because she didn’t think I’d ever need it again and when I went to the laptop I couldn’t find it anywhere. I found the filename on my old MacBook, but the file itself was empty. Just turning the blessed machine on had been an adventure since the batteries had died years ago and in any case I’d forgotten all the passwords. It was like breaking into Fort Knox.

My adventurous migration from Apple to Chromebook and thence to a Pixelbook came as a result of a conversation with one of the geniuses at the Apple Store who held my Macbook as if it were carved from dogs’ turds and pronounced that it was far too old even to pass through the portals of the repair shop. I clutched it back and harrumphed out of the glistening palace of overpriced junk and only then wondered what to do next.

Luckily my son who’s a total techie had just been given an HP Chromebook as part of a deal when he bought the latest Pixel Phone and he passed the freebie laptop on to me, and showed me how to move all the files from Apple to Google Chrome. Like most of these procedures I only thought about all the files I’d saved onto Dropbox after I’d completely forgotten another set of passwords. Then after a year or so the HP Chromebook blacked out and we could do nothing to bring it back to life. Meanwhile I’d invested in a Pixelbook and so I just carried on. Today we were searching the data badlands for the missing script and when Madame plugged in the deceased laptop it spluttered and coughed a bit and sparked up as if nothing had happened. By this time I had two deceased laptops and one new one all working on the Potwell Inn dining table. I wonder, I wonder, I thought if one of them could be persuaded to cough up the missing Dropbox password. Such wild hopes tend to evaporate like the morning dew in the face of zealous protection of my privacy by the kind of companies that are perfectly happy to sell my details for a fee to the highest bidder.

However, after a great deal of muttering I managed to half log in with an old internet name and reset the password. The downside was that the moment I logged on I was reminded that I’d exceeded my allowance by a remarkable 2700% and would have to extend my subscription to get my stuff back. On the plus side the bank had refused to pay the subscription for a couple of years when my card was changed. So with the aid of a 30 day free trial for a service I was already subscribing to I got my stuff back – all of it including the missing script.

You will see by now that I have no techie instincts at all. My laptop is essential to me and yet I can’t remember an eight digit login let alone a line of code. My son can write lines of code and he uses an app that remembers all his passwords. I installed the app under his forceful instruction and promptly lost the password for that too. I am a hopeless case but in this instance I finished the day two laptops up and access to Dropbox restored. I felt I should take a lap of honour around the piles of books which I really prefer. Out in the hall there’s an IKEA bookshelf waiting to be assembled but I’m far too busy now, looking at all the photos I thought I’d lost forever. Happy days! – or should that be daze?

Megilp and the naming of parts

2017-09-04 12.12.44Megilp is not the hero of a western, but one of those words that get lodged in your mind and can’t be shifted. It first entered my head from the pages of a Windsor and Newton catalogue C1964 and it’s lived a kind of shadowy existence there ever since, emerging from time to time especially in art galleries. It sometimes comes in its original and incorrect form ‘meglip’ which was how I misread and remembered it first; so now when it emerges I have to go through this routine of remembering and then correcting the misremembered word. It is megilp and it is a painting medium, and I have just asked this computer to remember it too.

Megilp. If you Google it you’ll discover that it is a mixture of some kind of mastic, a natural resin, and linseed oil – more usually I think boiled linseed oil. Boiling the oil makes it set, or dry quicker and the added mastic gives the medium an unctuous and shiny quality which was much admired by painters notwithstanding its dodgy reputation for turning yellow and aging badly.

You see, I can talk about it now and in a school for artistic bluffers I’d be the Principal but then, in the pages of a very small (the size of a mobile phone) catalogue, it was suffused with a kind of mystery. What was megilp? What indeed were many other things in the catalogue. I dreamed of burnt sienna – I could almost feel the heat of an imagined Italian sun. The names of the colours alone were the passport into an imaginary world of incredible richness. The oils and pigments were for me a pharmacopeia of forbidden and illicit sensations. In my imagination I would load one of the hideously expensive boxes with even more hideously expensive colours and set out with my carefully chosen palette and my easel and I would ……Here the fantasy ran into the sand because I had never learned the skills to make a painting. Colour charts, though, were like maps to me. Each colour was the trigger to a sensation, a flavour if you like that unlocked feelings through its power of association. Cerulean blue held the power of the summer sky, while the ochres were landscapes reduced to simples. Their proper names became metaphors for the feelings they evoked.

And the words would pop out from my jackdaw memory whenever I smelt linseed or turpentine. If I saw a painting, particularly, let’s say something from the Newlyn School, a Stanhope Forbes for instance, a Matthew Smith or a Sargeant I would look at the sumptuous fat colour and the word megilp would insinuate itself into my mind. It wouldn’t be a French painting of course – I don’t know why, but megilp seems such an English word. It belongs with cowslip and cats ear.

Lists, classifications and categories become a kind of obsession. I could write my personal history by listing catalogues I’ve fallen in love with. Actually the series would have to begin with my own children’s’ encyclopaedia which was my first gateway into the seductive joys of words, it it was – in its way – a catalogue because each word had its own illustration and so from the earliest age I learned to associate words with pictures. The original ‘house’ was a lovely brick building in some leafy part of, let’s imagine, Surrey. Necessarily it became an iconographic building against which all other houses would need to be judged.

After that it was an Ellison’s catalogue and I lusted after itching powder and a Seebackroscope. I could furnish the complete works of Jung with dreams based on that catalogue. Secret powers, magic tricks and disappearing ink were all available and (because I never bought any of them), they never ever let me down. It was sufficient to know that such things existed.

Then there was the John Hall tool catalogue where I first encountered the bolster and the slater’s ripper. I adored and even bought a couple of box handled chisels which I still treasure fifty years later. They were naturally ‘firmer’ chisels and ‘though I had no idea quite what distinguished them from any other type, it please me to know that there was such a difference. Other tools were beyond avarice. A series of illustrated cabinet maker’s planes of such beauty I could fall asleep while fondling them in my imagination.

Then came Winsor and Newton and later, when I was in my twenties, The Whole Earth Catalogue which was the granddaddy of them all, and the loss of my copy grieves me still. Could you imagine what it would be like to own a knife forged from old Chevrolet springs?

Later again it was cookery books. Who could resist the thought of a cardamom or lardon? What of a mandoline that silently took the ends off your fingers. And pottery too. I fell in love with Bernard Leach’s “A Potter’s Book” because I was overwhelmed by the thought of Varcoe’s Ball Clay. Was there a Mister Varcoe ? and did he operate a small claypit surrounded by harts tongue fern and tussocky grass? Then came plants because words like toothwort and purging buckthorn were more beautiful to me than spring days because I could evoke them at will. I dragged these catalogues around with me like a comfort blanket and they stocked my vocabulary with all those delightful words each of which conjures up a picture.

There used to be a wonderful firm of ironmongers in Bath called Hine and Collinson. They were like the typesetters to my imagination. They could reliably furnish the most obscure object you’d ever found a word for. A man in a brown coat would go off in search of a ‘double duplex lamp glass’ and lo he would reappear from the dusty warehouse some time later with the very word objectified in a brown paper parcel. It was there I saw my first Tilley Lamp, an event which was for me like meeting Helen of Troy (which reminds me of a joke told to me by Mike Harris: Question …‘what is a millihelen?’ Answer …. ‘the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.’)

When at school we learned the poem ‘The naming of parts’ the irony escaped me completely and I was transported by the names of the parts of a gun. Words do that to me. Each one is like a precious stone with its own picture and its own special feeling which can be threaded one after another like stones in a necklace.

“Naming of Parts” by Henry Reed

Today we have naming of parts. Yesterday,
We had daily cleaning. And tomorrow morning,
We shall have what to do after firing. But to-day,
Today we have naming of parts. Japonica.
Glistens like coral in all of the neighbouring gardens,
And today we have naming of parts.

This is the lower sling swivel. And this
Is the upper sling swivel, whose use you will see,
When you are given your slings. And this is the piling swivel,
Which in your case you have not got. The branches
Hold in the gardens their silent, eloquent gestures,
Which in our case we have not got.

This is the safety-catch, which is always released
With an easy flick of the thumb. And please do not let me
See anyone using his finger. You can do it quite easy
If you have any strength in your thumb. The blossoms
Are fragile and motionless, never letting anyone see
Any of them using their finger.

And this you can see is the bolt. The purpose of this
Is to open the breech, as you see. We can slide it
Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this
Easing the spring. And rapidly backwards and forwards
The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers:
They call it easing the Spring.

They call it easing the Spring: it is perfectly easy
If you have any strength in your thumb: like the bolt,
And the breech, and the cocking-piece, and the point of balance,
Which in our case we have not got; and the almond-blossom
Silent in all of the gardens and the bees going backwards and forwards,
For today we have naming of parts.